When my daughter-in-law welcomed twins into the world last year, I was overjoyed. Becoming a grandmother had always been a dream of mine. I pictured spoiling the little ones with love, hearing their giggles, and savoring weekends filled with family. But what I didn’t picture was being treated like a personal babysitter, expected to drop everything at a moment’s notice to care for my grandbabies.
At first, I didn’t mind lending a helping hand (or two). My son and daughter-in-law were overwhelmed, so I went over a few times a week to help with the twins. It was tiring, but I did it out of love. But soon, it felt like running a daycare – no one asked if I was available, and my daughter-in-law would just drop off the babies and expect me to handle everything.
I’m not a nanny; I’ve already raised my own kids, and I never imagined taking on this role in my 60s. Every time I tried to set boundaries, she’d respond with, “You’re their grandma. This is what grandmas do.” But is that really what being a grandma means? To me, it’s about love, joy, and support – not being expected to drop everything, clean up messes, and serve as unpaid childcare.
One night, I finally had enough. My daughter-in-law asked if I didn’t want to help with bedtime and diaper duty every evening. But the truth was, I did want to help. I just wanted to do it on my own terms – not out of guilt or obligation. So I sat her down and said, “I love you and the twins, but I’m your mother-in-law, not your employee. I’m a grandma, not a free nanny.”
She looked shocked, and we didn’t see eye-to-eye. But for the first time, I stood firm. Instead of setting aside money for the family like I had planned, I decided to spend it on myself – a well-earned vacation. Now I’m traveling, enjoying peace and solitude, and finally feeling like myself again.
I haven’t answered her texts asking for help. Part of me feels guilty, but another part feels relieved. And yet, the question lingers in my heart: does this make me a bad mother-in-law… or a bad grandmother?